Tuesday / Wednesday November 26 /27 Evaluating good and bad leads

where shall we go on vacation?

Note: some folks sent in this two day assignment already. Please make sure that you have analyzed the lead. You are NOT rewriting the lead. You must use the criteria for a well-written lead that was based upon the reading from a couple weeks ago. This included feature the feature, active voice. number of words, types of verbs, type of lead( what should be first?). List these under the lead. Never submit anything to me that is not standard English!

White House Christmas Decorations

Evaluating Good and Bad Leads

Assignment: 

Open a word document and copy the fifteen leads below. Under each, please evaluate and explain why or why not each is effective. What works? What flaws do you observe? I suggest that you first refer back to your responses from Friday / Monday's  reading/ questions before Thanksgiving (November 15/ 17).(I copied in the previous readings at the end of today's blog.  Things to consider: type of lead, voice and word choice (diction).   (This will count as a writing grade, as the material is based upon the previous work.)

Please send along by midnight on Wednesday for full credit.

1. A Baptist minister was convicted of drunken driving Tuesday and sentenced to 30 days in jail after a jury saw a police video of his failed sobriety test.
2. Police Chief Barry Kopperud is concerned about juvenile crime in the city.
3. During a press conference in her office at 8 a.m. today, Mayor Sabrina Datolli spoke about the city's need for more parks.
4. With no debate, the City Council passed an ordinance Thursday to help fight crime by installing more street lights in three neighborhoods.
5. Loans become popular way for students to conquer costs of college.
6. The campus is home to a variety of stray and wild animals.
7. Four years ago AIDS victim Edwin Jimenez, 22, learned he had only six months to live.
8. Do not cross off Dec. 1 in your countdown toward Christmas. Instead, make plans to attend World AIDS Day on the Campus Green.
9. A panel of seven local journalism professionals discussed important media issues, including the role of the press, at the university Tuesday.
10. The week of Homecoming will be filled with numerous activities and freebies for students.
11. The right to bear arms may soon be taken away from anyone who steps onto public school grounds in the city.
12. A teen-age driver lost control of her car Tuesday night, paralyzing herself and killing a passenger. A 16-year-old riding in the back seat walked away only scratched and bruised.
13. Around 3 p.m. Friday a bank on Hillcrest Avenue was the scene of a daring daylight robbery and shooting.
14. Courses taught online offer an alternative to the traditional college classroom learning experience.
15. One year ago an accrediting agency criticized the college for using too many adjuncts (part-time faculty members). Since then, the college has reduced its number of adjuncts from 769 to 749.

Previous reading:

Lead Writing The opening of a news story is called the lead (pronounced lede). It is usually one paragraph, and is usually only one sentence. The typical lead is called a summary lead or straight summary lead, and it, of course, summarizes the story; in other words, it tells the entire story in miniature as specifically as possible. Your job as a journalist, therefore, is to write a clear, fairly short sentence that reveals all, telling the end result of the story. Someone should be able to read the lead and be informed about what happened without reading the rest of the story. A news story essentially has two parts, the lead, which gives the gist of the story, and the body, which adds details and expands on information given in the lead. The body is written in inverted pyramid style: short paragraphs in descending order of importance.We'll be analyzing news stories for their  inverted pyramid style.
The All-Important Lead A summary lead should answer two or more of the 5W's and H: who, what, when, where, why and how. Include those that are important to inform the reader. Usually, however, the lead will include, as a minimum, the who, what and when. In deciding what to include in the lead, ask yourself: 1. What is the first question a reader would ask? 2.  What is the first thing you would tell another person about the situation or event? This is often called the news peg; it is the reason for doing the story, that aspect that makes an event or occurrence newsworthy. Your lead might also focus on what journalists call the whammy, which is the fact or facts that make the story unique. When writing the lead, you should attempt to feature the feature, which means to put the most important aspect or main point first in the paragraph. Grab the reader's attention with the news immediately, without making him or her read through introductory words to find out what happened. This isn't radio or television news, where the reporter may slide into the heart of the story after an introductory sentence or two, which may be necessary so the listener will not miss important information. The written news story needs no such prompt, and if you slide into the story slowly you'll lose your reader. Newspaper readers expect to be informed about what happened immediately -- no beating around the bush. Leads should:  open with bright, interesting, colorful nouns and verbs  be brief (often only 20-30 words)  be, for the most part, one sentence in length  be crisp and to the point  effectively summarize the story  "feature the feature"  include attribution (the source) if needed for credibility  give the title for any person mentioned  not include personal pronouns such as "we" and "you"  not include reporter opinion FEATURE THE FEATURE Depending on what you decide is most important, any one of the 5W's or H could be featured, which means it is placed first in the opening sentence. Take a look at the follow facts: Who: Washington television station What: withdrew from a project to construct a 1,200-foot television transmitting tower When: today Where: in Silver Spring Why: declining revenues How: board of directors decided The lead might read: A Washington television station announced its withdrawal today from a project to construct a 1,200-foot television transmitting tower in Silver Spring. Which ever of the 5W's is mentioned first is featured in the lead. 1 When the who is featured, it is called a name lead. The example above is a name lead. It features the Washington television station. 2 When the what is featured, it is called an event lead. Withdrawal from a project to construct a 1,200-foot television tower in Silver Spring was announced today by a Washington television station. This lead, however, is awkward because it is in passive voice; in other words, the one doing the action (the Washington television station) is at the end of the sentence as the object. Active voice requires that the subject of the sentence act, which means placing it first in the sentence, as in the first first example. We'll talk more about active/passive voice in a later activity. 3 When the when is featured, it is called a time lead. Today a Washington television station announced its withdrawal from a project to construct a 1,200-foot television transmitting tower in Silver Spring. 4 When the where is featured, it is called a place lead. A Silver Spring project to construct a 1,200-foot television transmitting tower was canceled today by a Washington television station. This, too, is passive rather than active voice. 5 When the why is featured it is called a cause lead. Because of declining revenues, a Washington television station announced its withdrawal today from a project to construct a 1,200-foot television transmitting tower in Silver Spring. 6 When how is featured, it is called a manner lead. After a decision by the board of directors of a Washington television station, a project to construct a 1,200-foot television transmitting tower in Silver Spring has been canceled The most used openings for leads are the who and the what. The least used, in other words the weakest, are where and when. Rarely are place and time the most important aspects of the story, although they are usually included in the lead paragraph. Below are examples of leads which feature the various 5W's & H. The words that make up the "W" that is featured are in bold face type. Who Many gay and bisexual teens know plenty about AIDS and still don't protect themselves against the disease, two studies indicate. A railroad worker threw a switch too soon and sent an Amtrak passenger train crashing head-on into a parked freight train, killing two people and injuring 44 others, investigators said Saturday. (However, even though this begins with the who, the lead co-features the why, the cause of the train wreck.) Reckless drivers who don't seem to be drunk may well be high on cocaine or marijuana, according to roadside tests that indicate drugs may rival alcohol as a hazard on the highway. What Jars and cans tumbled off store shelves and telephone poles swayed when an earthquake that was a "real good shaker" rumbled through Central California yesterday. A pack of wild monkeys terrorized a seaside resort town south of Tokyo last week, attacking 30 people and sending eight of them to the hospital with bites. (This also CO-features the who.) A would-be victim turned the tables on a suspected burglar early Sunday, sending him running from her house with a bullet wound to his chest, police said. (This also CO-features the who.) A Soyus spacecraft docked flawlessly with the Mir space station Saturday, bringing a fresh crew of two Russian cosmonauts and a Frenchman to the orbiting outpost -- along with a bottle of French wine.             Why With more amateurs cutting wood for use as an alternative to high-priced heating oil, hospitals are coping with an increasing number of injuries due to chain-saw accidents, reported the American College of Surgeons. Two railway technicians who overlooked a wheel problem may be charged with negligent manslaughter in Germany's worst rail disaster, a news magazine reported Saturday. (This also CO-features the who.) How Louisiana-Pacific Corp. plans to sell seven out-of-state lumber mills and expand production at 17 others in order to boost output by up to 40 percent. (The how in this lead is also the what.)Examples of when and where leads are not given here because you should avoid using them. Professionals avoid them, so examples are hard to find. We can learn how to feature the feature, and avoid other mistakes, by looking at examples of poorly written leads. WHAT NOT TO DO. NOT TO DO Incorrect: Sen. Robert Brown spoke to the assembled student body of Oakdale High School at 3 p.m. in the high school gym. Who spoke is usually secondary in importance to what was said. And, the mechanical details -- time, date and place -- do not necessarily have to be included in the lead, since the event has already taken place. They can be worked in later, perhaps the second or third paragraph. "Assembled student body" is a burdensome, unnecessary phrase, and "high school" is used twice in one paragraph. Avoid repetition. Incorrect: At 3 p.m., March 18, in the high school gym, Robert Brown spoke. Time and date (the when angle) are almost never important enough to merit first consideration in the lead, yet they are often used to kick off a speech story. The heart of this story is not included in the lead at all. Note, too, that in this reference the title for Robert Brown (senator) has been omitted. Titles should always be included on the first mention of an individual in the story. Incorrect: To further our interest in ecology, Sen. Robert Brown spoke today in the high school gym. The why angle is usually not the most important aspect of a story and, therefore, it seldom works as the take-off point for a news story. Also, the use of second person (our), unless it's in a direct quotation, should be avoided in news writing. Incorrect: Last Friday, March 18, all of the sophomore, junior and senior students assembled in the gymnasium. After Student Body President Gary Winchman led the students in the flag salute, Vice Principal Barry Jones presented Sen. Robert Brown, who talked about ecology. This is filled to the brim with details that don't belong in a lead. It is basically written in chronological order rather than focusing on the "feature." It is dull, too long, and needs severe copy editing. In fact, it needs complete rewriting. It is also more than one sentence; most leads can be written as one smooth, flowing sentence. Incorrect: "We must clean up our rivers and streams and get the internal combustion machine out of the automobile and sit hard on the Food and Drug Administration to remove additives from our foods if we are ever going to clean up the air we breath and make our world a pleasant place to live in again," stated Robert Brown, senator, to the assembled student body of Oakdale High School on Friday, March 18, in the gym at 3 p.m. The quotation is too long, covers too many subjects for the lead. In addition, mechanical details such as date and time, can be worked in later. Since the event has already happened it is not necessary to tell the readers the place and exact time in the lead. "Stated" is a stuffy, greatly over-used word for attribution. Save it for quoting material from official documents rather than people. Correct Example: Pollution must be stopped and air and water cleaned up in order to make the world more livable, Sen. Robert Brown told students at Oakdale High School last Friday. This lead zeroes in on the main message delivered, which is what the audience would be interested in, and it gives the source at the end of the lead rather than at the beginning. Since Brown's exact words are not given, no quotation marks are used. Correct if writing for your school newspaper and Brown spoke at your school: Pollution must be stopped and air and water cleaned up in order to make the world more livable, Sen. Robert Brown told students last Friday. It is not necessary to give the name of the high school, since he spoke at the school and the newspaper is written for and distributed to the school community. Notice that this lead summarizes or  paraphrases what the senator said rather than giving a direct quotation. The story would then elaborate on what he had to say about these topics, using direct quotations, indirect quotations and paraphrases. (But that's a topic for another day.