Monday Tuesday December 10/ 11 Two stories based upon reporter notes

Monday 12.10.18 By Doug Criss Brexit The Brexit mess just got a lot messier. This morning the European Union's top court ruled that the UK can unilaterally stop the process for getting out of the 28-member bloc. British Prime Minister Theresa May says her government is not changing course, but the Brexit deal she negotiated is expected to be voted down tomorrow in Parliament. If that happens, there just aren't a lot of good options for figuring out a new deal as Britain stares down the March 29 deadline to leave the EU. Calls for a second Brexit referendum, which some are calling the "People's Vote," are growing louder. Jamal Khashoggi "I can't breathe." Those were the last words journalist Jamal Khashoggi said as a hit squad from Saudi Arabia killed him. That's according to a source who has read a transcript of the audio recording of the October slaying, CNN's Nic Robertson says in exclusive reporting. The source said it was clear this wasn't a botched kidnapping attempt, as the Saudis have claimed, but the execution of a premeditated plan to kill Khashoggi. The transcript also notes the sounds of his body being dismembered by a saw and his attackers being urged to listen to music to block out the gruesome noise. White House President Trump is looking for a new chief of staff, now that the person currently in the role  -- John Kelly -- will be leaving at the end of the year. It was widely expected that rising GOP star Nick Ayers would take the job. But Ayers, who served as veep Mike Pence's chief of staff, wants to move his young family back to his home state of Georgia. So the President is now reportedly looking at four other people who could be his chief of staff, including Republican Rep. Mark Meadows of North Carolina, the chairman of the conservative House Freedom Caucus. The person who does get the job may be walking into a nightmare, CNN's Stephen Collinson explains. Nissan Carlos Ghosn, the former chairman of Nissan, was indicted today in Japan in a financial misconduct scandal, along with Nissan itself. Prosecutors in Tokyo accused Ghosn and Nissan of under-reporting his income during a five-year period and possibly longer. Ghosn's troubles began last month when he was arrested in Tokyo. He was kicked out of his position as chairman of Nissan and Mitsubishi Motors. He's also temporarily out as head of Renault as well. Weather Power outages. Icy roads. Canceled flights. That's what folks in the South are dealing with this morning after a record-setting weekend of snow. Roanoke, Virginia, was blanketed with 11 inches of snow, the fourth-highest December snowfall in the city's history. Hundreds of flights at airports in Virginia and North Carolina were canceled over the weekend, but airlines should be able to resume normal operations later today. The power outages remain, though. About 146,000 customers in North Carolina were in the dark late Sunday night, as well as 81,000 in Virginia, 58,000 in South Carolina and about 10,000 in Tennessee. Woman's best friend When a survivor of the devastating Camp Fire returned to the remains of her burned home, her loyal dog Madison was there waiting on her. 'Tis the season Kid Rock paid off the layaways for 350 families at a Nashville Walmart, after being inspired by a similar act of holiday generosity by filmmaker Tyler Perry. So fresh, so clean You don't have to go all the way to Tokyo to experience Japan's music-playing, water-spraying toilets. Miami miracle Please check on the New England Patriots fan in your life. They're still in shock after the Pats got done in by the old hook and ladder play against the Dolphins.

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The picture below is very important. Take your time to read this please.

WRITING GRADE!   Are you up to date on your work?

                               Did you read and internalize the above?
                        That is what your stories should look like. Note the format; this is not a               single paragraph. 

ASSIGNMENT:

Now  please  read the following information on leads. Take

 your time and compare the flawed leads to those that are 

better, for these are the criteria upon which your own 

news story will be assessed. This is followed by two sets of

 reporter notes. Please rewrite the notes into a news 

story. Take your time- I've allowed you plenty. These will 

count as a writing grade.  Due on 

Tuesday. Send along as one document please.

Remember the basics: leads (20-30 words); who, what,

 when, where and how; active voice, no redundancies, no 

flowery language.

1.       Avoid overcrowding the lead.

Crowded MORTON -- Grant Zorn, state trooper who investigated the crash at 3 a.m. Sunday resulting in the deaths of three Morton youths, said at an inquest Friday that William C. Libolt of Chillicothe, whose car ran over Larry, 7, and Martin, 19, told him he did not see Martin until he was directly in front of him, that he did not realize he was a person, but thought he was part of the car from which he had been thrown, and that he did not know he had run into him.

Better MORTON -- The driver of a car involved in an accident that killed three Morton youths Sunday says he did not see them early enough to avoid hitting them.

2.      Don't begin with a generality.

General Plans were being made today for doubling the capacity of the city's sewage treatment plant.	Specific Cost estimates and blueprints were being drawn up today for doubling the capacity of the city's sewage treatment plant
General Work is progressing on a $107,000 complex of 11 tennis courts, the city Parks and Recreation Commission reported last night.	Specific Grading has been completed and fences have been installed for a $107,000 complex of 11 tennis courts, the city Parks and Recreation Commission reported last night.
General Professor Beth Carlisle spoke last night on the development of the French language.	Specific The purity of the French language spoken by Frenchmen themselves has deteriorated "profoundly" during this century, Professor Beth Carlisle told students at the monthly academic forum.

3.      Be wary of figures.

Before a crowd of 4,000, Fremont's Pathfinders trampled Roosevelt's Rough Riders 42-6 for the state high school football championship.

Figures must be placed in context. Is this a large crowd, or is the stadium only half full?

Inconclusive

Central High School's flood relief drive stood at $1,500 today.

Better

Central High School's flood relief drive stood at $1,500 today, 50 percent of the goal.

Also, don't slow the pace by overcrowding figures.

There are 3.5 million eligible voters in the state, of whom 1.7 million are over 18, yet only 391,000, or less than 25 percent, are registered to vote.

4.      Don't back into the lead.

Backing into the lead means the lead has not been written with the most important information first. In other words, the writer has not featured the feature. If a writer backs into the lead, the most important information is often near the end of the lead paragraph, when it should be first. Also, remember that news comes first, attribution second.

Not the greatest Dr. Robert P. Fowler, Southwestern University president, announced today that a medical school will be established on the campus next year.	Better A medical school will be established at Southwestern University next year, President Robert P. Fowler announced today.
Not the greatest According to Adm. Elmo P. Zumwalt, chief of naval operations, Navy seamen may henceforth sport mustaches, beards, goatees, flared sideburns and long hair.	Better Navy seamen may now sport mustaches, beards, goatees, flared sideburns and long hair, Adm. Elmo P. Zumwalt, chief of naval operations, announced today.

5.      Don't bury the lead.

Burying the lead is even worse than backing into the lead. Burying the lead means the writer places the major element several paragraphs down in the story.

Not the greatest

On Friday, May 19, and Saturday, May 20, the Valley League Championship Track Meet was held in Prarie Hill. Schools in the league are Monroe, Carlton, Williams, Newland, Littlefield, Evanston, Prairie Hill, and Corbett.

Prairie Hill's boys team placed third, scoring 103 points. Top scoring efforts on the team were put out by Tom Lawrence with 28.5 points and Syd Sidewell with 24 points.

The girls team placed fourth with 94 points. The girls team was strong in the distances with a one, two finish in the 1,500 meter and 3,000 meter.

Better

The boys' track team placed third with 103 points and the girls' team fourth with 94 points in the Valley League Championships held in Prairie Hill May 19-20.

6.      Avoid "question" leads.

The question lead is an overworked tool of the lazy writer. The reporter's job is to inform, not ask questions. The question lead works best if the article focuses on answering the question posed in the lead.

How can auto insurance rates be lowered?

The answer to that question will be sought at a public hearing conducted by the state insurance commissioner at 7 p.m. tomorrow in the council chamber in City Hall.

It's also best if it can be answered quickly.

Will Riverside annex the Brockhurst subdivision? The city council decided last night that the answer is "No."

It can, however, be used quite effectively, often with a feature approach.

What is born in dung, makes love in flight, has no sting, and doesn't travel before 10 in the morning? The love bug, that's what. The pesky, little, windshield-smearing, radiator-clogging love bug.

In Florida and other Gulf Coast states, love bugs are a semi-annual nuisance. This year they are like a plague. . .

7.      Avoid quotation leads.

Quotation leads, too, are cop-outs by lazy writers. Quotations rarely capture the essence of a news story in a succinct manner. Occasionally, however, a quote can provide a powerful opening:

"Dying is beautiful," Lyn Helton confided to her tape recorder, "even the first time around, at the ripe old age of 20."

She made the comments two months ago, as bone cancer sapped her strength.

For most instances, however, rather than relying on a quotation, a reporter's paraphrase can brighten, shorten and clarify what the source said:

Children are not cocktails that need shaking to be good, a physician warns.

8.      Beware of "phrase" leads.

Not the greatest

At a meeting of ASB officers yesterday, the president resigned because he plans to graduate and enter college early.

Better

ASB President Ken Marshfield resigned yesterday, announcing he plans to graduate early and attend college.

Be wary of phrases such as:

In a unanimous vote. . .
During the game. . .
During class. . .
At a cost of. . .
For the third time. . .
On the morning of. . .
At a meeting of. . .
According to. . .
It was announced that. . .

The phrase lead essentially forces the writer to back into the lead.

Story 1

Dr Michael Kai is a scientist with the Papua New Guinea Department of Primary Industry. He has been working for ten years on a project to breed larger pigs. One of his pigs, an adult male, has been weighed at 350 kgs. This is the heaviest pig ever to have been bred in Papua New Guinea. Mr Kai hopes to use this animal to breed other very large pigs.

Story 2

A school bus ran off City Road in Suva, narrowly missed an electricity pole and came to rest in a garden. Most of the bus windows were smashed. There were more than 30 children on the bus. They were going to Martyr School. It was a 36-seater bus. All the children escaped serious injury. Some of them jumped out of the bus and grazed themselves. Eye-witnesses said the children were helped from the bus screaming and shouting and in a state of panic. This happened this morning.